Everyone knows that i don’t hold particularly high regards for the poster boy atheists. I’ve written about it, and been destroyed for my opinion in a few places (some worse than others) and everyone thought I was some anti-atheist without even taking into consideration the positive posts I had written before. After the whole “why atheists annoy me” thing I sort of shied away from writing about atheism all that often. I’ve long argued that to make yourself feel included and comfortable within a movement you need to find someone who you can relate to. Someone that makes you think “Yeah! That is so right on!” someone who you wouldn’t mind speaking for you anywhere at anytime.
Nica Lalli is a mother of two (two who sound intelligent, and adorable), a PTA mom, painter, has a master of fine arts and married to a man she met when she was 21. ( 
I love love.) She is also the author of Nothing:Something to Believe In, and an atheist. Most importantly (at least for the matters of this post) she is the first atheist who has come to speak at CFI that I’ve ever been able to relate to. Ever.
Although our back-stories are extremely different (she was raised secular by non-religious parents and has never been religious …I was raised Christian by Christian parents and a minister), what she has to say now resonates with me deeply. I knew as soon as she said “I didn’t want to be the voice, I just wanted to be one of many” that I was going to like her much more than the other “voice” I’ve heard. (that makes me sound crazy…) But what we both are, is “interested in why religion is interesting” to us.
At first I thought she was going to be a cope out because she was calling herself “nothing” instead of slapping the word atheist on her forehead. But once she described that she wanted something “outside the debate” it made a lot more sense. All the other words, atheist, agnostic, freethinker, bright [thats the worst], humanist, rationalist – all have a stigmata (heh) behind them from being inside the religious debates.
Her book doesn’t fit in, where her book is about living life as an atheist – raising kids, dealing with in laws and just being her the other books about atheism and religion. About why atheism is the be all end all marvelous anti-faith that is going to save us all from our narrowminded and blinded views. Dawkins et al don’t show their weaknesses or talk about their lives rather they’re more interested in telling everyone else how stupid they are. Where Dawkins and his posse make it very hard to like atheists, Nica makes it very easy to fall totally in love with her. The poster boy atheists are making it very hard to say “I’m an atheist” without getting a million nasty glares and grilled with a lot of questions based on the assumption that you think just like them. Nica tries to describe and help us learn how to live in this world, where we’re not quite liked yet. Unfortunately the poster boys are very good at describing what it is that makes us angry, so they go off and get angry. Everywhere. All the time. And look silly. But Nica is right in saying that it is good that we have someone expressing those views – I just wish it wasn’t the only “mainstream” (so to speak) view out there.
Near the end of her talk, she did it. She did what no other atheist speaker I have ever seen has done before. It was like she was sent from God to help me understand my non-belief. She described what she believes in. She describes it with a story where she is in New York, surrounded by people while she’s in her car. At that moment, she was thinking, that all those people are thinking something. Thinking, remembering, wishing, dreaming, hoping…and being an individual. That was so overwhelming to her, and it is to me too. Although I take this a bit further, and include the sheer overwhelming feeling that the universe in general gives me. The beauty and power of discovery, the inconceivable size of the galaxy and yes, like Nica, the amazing thought that everyone is here, thinking, being and living.
Nica wrote her book to show how normal she is. So believers and non-believers could read it and relate to what she had to say. And then, perhaps, turn to the person beside them, no matter what denomination, and share a story with them. Stop the bickering and build a stronger relationship with those around you. A relationship that goes beyond lables and the armor so that we can just be, and understand one another on a new appreciative level. It’s pretty pathetic when you can’t have a discussion because religion overkills. Nica, like me, is unwilling to say that all belief is bad. It is absolutely tragic that there is an automatic assumption that they hate us, and we hate them. Then the world just seems so much more fragmented.
It’s too bad that she isn’t tough enough for Americans. She isn’t spitting in people’s faces and tearing down the religious fundamentalists that threaten our lives, rights and countries. Instead she is too normal, so people pay far to little attention to her. She is not an arrogant scientist. She’s not stuck up. She doesn’t act like she has the answers. She isn’t untouchable. She is approachable. She is intelligent and well spoken. She is a good writer. And she says what is in my head. She is someone I can relate to, which makes it a lot easier for me to call myself an atheist, or rather…nothing.
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Yeah! I felt a lot of the same things you felt when we had Nica at UCLA. It was a breath of fresh air to hear her speak, it was really nice.
What a lovely thought! This is so important to our cause, my beliefs and what I think everyone can relate to. You hit the nail on the head. I cant wait for our online debate to start, Katie.
Im so glad you are posting again.
Nice strawman version of Dawkins. Everyone hates him because he is elitist, right?
did i call him elitist in this post? …. no, i said his writing makes it hard for people to like atheists. the aggression makes it pretty easy for christians to be offended and a little taken back. and because they’r ethe poster boys, and all out there – its all that a lot of people know. i dont think that’s healthy or fair.
C’mon, you’ve got to admit Dawkins has quite a bit of hubris in The God Delusion.
Oi, you can use the “Reply” button on peoples’ comments to direclty reply to their comment. They get an e-mail informing them you replied.
I am in total agreement with you katie. I’m also sick of the whole militant atheism thing, and more so of the very limited terminology that has emerged. The same poor arguments flying all around: youtube, blogs etc etc…
I wish I could defend Dawkins; as a scientist he’s done so much, and totally in the spirit of science: without arrogance, with an open mind, but ever since this latest book of his, it seems that his publishers have forced him to become something else. In the early days of his book release, he was still modest, he would often state he does not think religion is bad etc, but now he seems to be purely delving in the the militancy. As for Gould, he’s always been noisy.
But Nica’s talk was soo cool! She spoke in such an articulate and flowing manner.
No, Katie, you didn’t use the word “elitist.” You did use the rather tame phrase “spitting in your face,” and you did use the phrase “thinking they are smarter than everyone else.” I am not sure how I am supposed to construe that as anything other than calling him elitist.
I am happy for you that you feel comfortable with Nica Lali, and indeed she does sound like a nice person and that she would be a good person to know. But your post was quite contradictory to your call to stop using “lables.” The term “poster boy atheist” is itself a nasty label.
I am sure that if the liberals and the democrats weren’t so outspoken then the conservatives would come round to our way of thinking. If we were only nice about calling for an end to the war in Iraq, then yes, I am sure that they would finally see reason and bring the soldiers and sailors home.
It’s great to get along with people. I get along quite well with many religious people, but they know my stand on their religious beliefs. While Dawkins’ personal life may not get much press, I am sure he gets along quite well with many people. With this sort of rear guard attacks on the people who are sticking their necks out are weakened.
Have you called for those who have sent death threats to PZ Myers to stop it? Have you called for those who criticize atheism to be nicer? Have you taken a stand when government favors religion? Religion always seems to get a free pass in society, even in Britain where they are allowing Shari’ah courts.
Should atheists not respond? Should we just sit back and watch, just so we can get along?
If you’re uncomfortable being an out atheist, fine. You don’t have to tell anyone in our society. Most people just don’t care. There are more important things to talk about, especially with a new season of American Idol only a few months away. And perhaps you’re fine with the major political parties putting on the mantle of God just so they can gather more votes. Perhaps you’re okay that the Democratic Party (yes, I know you aren’t American,) made the recent convention a religious event and purposely excluded secular members from many events (unless they were willing to shut up about their atheism.)
It’s probably a lot easier to be an atheist in Canada than it is in the United States or even Britain, where the Anglican Church has so much influence over the Universities and the schools, and where they are afraid to stand up to Muslim clerics. So, fine, be a comfortable atheist, but stop projecting your insecurities onto other people.
It’s quite all right for religious leaders to be militant, isn’t it? But, if an atheist is to point out their folly, then by gosh, he is a nasty poster boy.
Someone has to take the hits, but not from behind.
Gould hasn’t been noisy for five years.
i haven’t smoked in 5 years. that doesn’t mean i was never a smoker.
Im not uncomfortable with being an out atheist. I’m very out about it. And cleary the term “poster boys” isn’t a label – its a way of referring to the 4 guys in a shorter way – and everyone knows who I’m talking about. I’m not against labeling people – Nica doesn’t like it, I don’t care.
Yes, I’ve called out many extreme religious people. In fact I’ve had my facebook account shut down three times … the first because of death threats *I* was getting, the second because my account was being bombarded constantly with christian hatemail and the third time because a bunch of muslims kept putting in “reports” about me.
i’ve never said its okay for religious leaders to be militant. I can probably dig up at least 10 posts I’ve written in my past about how much I despise Ron Luce and the way he has framed Acquire the Fire as “march for god” and “join the army” and actively encouraging militant sentiments in young adults who are confused about their life… and then Ron invokes emotions in them and tells them to be militant, so they do. It’s my main criticism about christianity, and my main criticism about atheism.
people seriously need to get it through their heads that simply because someone omitted a group of people or neglected to mention it because it had very little to do with what they were writing doesn’t mean they have no opinion on it – and really people shouldn’t make their opinions up for them…. or insinuate what the writer’s opinion might be without actually asking them just because they’re pissed off.
I really don’t understand what “insecurities” i’m projecting onto other people. I’m an atheist, and I’ve stood beside that to the point where I’ve lost multitudes of friends, 2 jobs, 3 facebook accounts, 1/2 of my family’s support and love and still deal every single day with the disgusting internalized guilt that was been conditioned inside of me from being a christian. So I hate religion and its forceful, socially detrimental and child abuse ways just as much as any other atheist out there, if not more. I’m just not going to tell my mother that she is irrational, stupid, or condescendingly tell her there are no “fairies” in her garden, and I certainly won’t tell her “religion … teaches us to be satisfied with not understanding the world.” simply because I don’t understand the meaning and understanding that she has found in the world.
Have I taken a stand when government favors religion?… yes? I work for CFI and every single day I write a press release against religion in the government, or a call to stop the oppression of free speech etc.
Sure, but you’re not dead.
But you see, Gould was never uncivil when he discussed religion. Nor is Dawkins, at least never that I have seen. He is pointed, and can sometimes use overblown rhetoric but he is not the uncivil monster that he is often portrayed to be. He was even quite gracious to the people he interviewed in “Root of All Evil.” They were threatened by his viewpoint, and that is why they call him “nasty.”
I don’t mean Gould’s been noisy in discussing religion, but he has always been that in Science. I am not saying that’s a bad thing, a lot of scientists act like that, I’m just saying that him becoming one of the four horsemen or whatever is not a surprise.
Maybe we should all just stop comparing these guys, and agree that Attenborough is God.