Fundementalist Theatre 3000 BC: “Tomorrow’s Pioneers”

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Fundementalist Theatre 3000 BC: “Tomorrow’s Pioneers”

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Robin Zhang - September 20th, 2008 in Feature 0 votes Vote Up! Vote Down!

Simply put, “Tomorrow’s Pioneers” is the reason why I decided against giving “Bibleman” the worst popped collars rating. Produced and aired by the terrorist and fringe political group Hamas, “Tomorrow’s Pioneers” preaches anti-semitism, the use of violence, and an ultraradical dominionist theology… aimed towards kindergarteners; even Bibleman looks like an oasis of rationalism and tolerance by comparison.

Leading the charge is Farfour the Mouse, who ironically resembles that great symbol of American neo-colonialism Mickey Mouse. He is shown here encouraging children to get involved in their communities… by picking up an AK-47 and killing the Israelis -

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But despite his Good Works, Farfour is ‘martyred’ by a greedy Israeli businessman who wants to buy up sacred Palestinian land.

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Not to worry though. Our hero’s cousin Nahoul the strange-looking bee…thing comes in as a replacement faster than you can say “interspecies sex”.

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But alas, those evil Zionists are at it again. Nahoul falls ill and Israeli tanks are blockading the Palestine-Egypt border so medicine cannot get through. Maybe Nahoul could have survived if Hamas had spent their money on something other than weapons… but I digress. Meet Assud -

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He has a thing for Danish… and I mean the people, not the pastry. Would you like some fava beans and chianti with that?

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I don’t know what to say, only that “Tomorrow’s Pioneers” is as offensive as it is unintentionally funny. I would also like to note that I think Israel is also culpable for a significant amount of violence in the region with its disproportionate response in the Lebanese War and it’s small minority of religious extremists, but they have generally been open to some sort of peace accord in the Middle East – something that will never happen if “Tomorrow’s Pioneers” indoctrinates a new generation of Palestinian children.

5 out of 5 popped collars.